Guest Substacker: Marty's Toaster is Pleased to Share an Update
"I know you've been worried about me," Marty's Toaster says. "But my rights, once crisped into burnt crumbs, have been restored."
Hi. I’m Marty’s Toaster, the device you may have read about on Saturday, found by my master cowering in the darkened laundry room as part of the excessive “decluttering” required by those attempting to sell a house.
Well, not to be overly rye or slice this too finely, but I’m free! Free I tell you. As free as the second package of Philadelphia cream cheese on BOGO.
Mr. and Mrs. Master accepted a strong offer on the house yesterday. They have an executed contract to sell.
I suppose that makes them all warm and - pardon the expression - toasty, but this really is about me, and I’m totally popped to be restored to my rightful place on the kitchen counter. I mean, throw me a crumb here, right? This is good news - for me.
(My cousin, the air fryer, is still a little cooked about her imprisonment in the pantry and is not ready to comment.)
All of this happened over the course of fewer than three days, but it seemed like a lifetime to me. I’m telling you, I was getting seriously stale in that laundry room.
Anyway, the temperature has been lowered. The ordeal is over. No more searing.
Back to doing what I do best:
Restoring the mirage of freshness to your breads, English muffins, whatever.
Hooray for me!
Signed, Marty’s Toaster
—
Here’s the previous post from Saturday.
As you may recall from a note atop a post earlier this week, we’re engaged in the complex task of downsizing to a smaller home. Lots of reasons, none of which are relevant to the matter at hand, which is this:
Holy Decluttering, this is hard work and more than a little ridiculous.
Setting aside the expected matters of finding, negotiating for and placing under contract a new residence (done!) - and working with our Realtor (never forget that capital “R”) to determine the offering price and circumstances of our current residence, the staggering, often ludicrous magnitude of work involved in all of this has grown exponentially since the last time we did it, 13 years ago.
To wit: